Bring On The Love!

February 8th, 2010

Valentine’s Day is coming up on Sunday (Feb. 14th), so I thought I’d dedicate this weeks posts to the topic of love.


As I sat to type this, two examinations of love appeared on my Google News Sidebar. One is a scientific piece on how love may be measured, and the other is about an Indian woman called Amma who shares love freely through a hug (a hug that I have experienced and wrote about last July).



Amma

So we’ve got science and spirit working the love angle.


Here is what my spirit had to say about the subject:


“When was the last time you danced with someone you love?


When was the last time you sat quietly, looking into the eyes of someone you love?


When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said, ‘I love you’?


Love will all ways be here, waiting for you to tune in, to acknowledge and receive it. It cannot go away. It lives, endlessly, inside of you and all things.


Love just loves.


How about you?”


Today’s Powerful and Positive Affirmation is:
“Love is all around me. I welcome it all ways.”


Today I am grateful for another opportunity to know love, to joyfully share my vision through this blog, to know and love so many amazing people, and to make money by doing what I love. I am grateful for Odwalla Mango Tango juice, the Jefferson Market Library, ever-changing technology, my new mini-notebook, new and prosperous business opportunities, and my book agent, editor and publisher.


Thanks and peace to all!


Joe

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Get Real with Joe Monkman | No Comments »

What Are You Whining About?

February 2nd, 2010

The way we ask for or talk about something can have a great impact on the way it ultimately appears (or does not appear) in our lives. Are you a whiner or a commander/allower?


“Whenever you make a request for something, the Universe all ways responds. It doesn’t matter what the thing is. The Universe doesn’t judge the size, shape or cost of your request, it just provides you with the means with which to manifest it.


The Law of Attraction or Manifestation says that what you focus on grows, your thoughts are things that appear or disappear according to the attention you give them.


If you whine about something that is not showing up in your life, then chances are that it will continue to not show up. If you say in your whiny voice, “I really want that, but…” and the underlying conviction is that you are unworthy or undeserving, than guess what happens? It doesn’t come, and if it does, you are likely to miss it because you are focused on it not being there.


Pay attention to how you are thinking and talking about what you want. Use your mind to empower you, to command the results that you desire, to allow the most pleasant events to unfold with great ease.


Focus on the mess and there will be more mess. Focus on the gold and you will find rainbow after rainbow after rainbow on your path.


Like attracts like. What are you like?”


Amen!


Tuesday’s Positive and Powerful Affirmation is:
“I allow my dreams to unfold in the most abundantly beautiful and empowering ways. All is well.”


Today I express my gratitude to the wise trees, the waters, the wind, the sun, moon and stars, the New York Shamanic Circle, my home at the beach, my feet and hands that take me where I want to go and open the doors, my breath, my open-mindedness, my book agent, editor and publisher, new and prosperous business opportunities, friends and family.


Thanks and peace to all!


Joe

Posted in Get Real with Joe Monkman | No Comments »

What Does It Mean to Be Selfless?

February 1st, 2010

I recently had the great pleasure of being part of a group that organized a fundraiser for a friend in need. Well, quiet honestly, it didn’t always feel like a pleasure. I volunteered to take a leadership role and as things progressed my negative thoughts sometimes got the better of me.


It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to help, I just realized that I was not interested in doing some of the things that seemed to be required of me in order to make the event a ’success’. So I delegated what I could and as the event date approached I began to loosen up about the remaining tasks.


On the day of the fundraiser I had lots of fun playing cheerleader and rallying attendees to bid on the auction items. “This is what I’m good at,” I thought. “This is what I enjoy.”


Once again I learned a lesson about doing what I love and allowing myself to let go of what I don’t. Super! Then I hit the bonus round: Selflessness.


I realized that as soon as I let go of thinking that the small yet necessary tasks were a bother, and got into the flow of what I love, my energy picked up, and I allowed my ‘true self’ to shine. And that helped me rediscover the pleasure of giving.


As I heard in my meditation,


“One way to be sure that you are acting from a place of pure generosity of spirit is to ask your self why you intend to do the thing that you say you are going to do. From what place inside of you does the desire to do, give, or act come from?


Perhaps when you can learn to do for you then you can truly give in a way that is selfless.


As with many things, that may require practice.


Are you willing to try?”


Sounds good to me.


Today I am grateful for the Jefferson Library, heat and hot water, sunny Mondays, instant messaging, the start of a new month, books, music, memories that make me laugh, my jobs, new and prosperous business opportunities, my book agent, editor and publisher.


Thanks and peace to all!


Joe

Posted in Get Real with Joe Monkman | No Comments »

This Is Nothing

January 25th, 2010


Every once in a while I sit down to write this blog and it seems like nothing will come out of me, nothing will get written and posted.


For this piece I spent some time looking through books, searching the internet, and asking myself, “What’s the topic?”


I noticed at some point that I was not following my impulse to just allow my fingers to move over the keys and see what shows up on the computer screen. It occurred to me that perhaps nothing would get written if I didn’t follow that impulse, so I followed it and sure enough, ‘nothing’ is what appeared.


“Each and every day there is nothing waiting for you. Each and every day you wake up to a world that expects nothing from you. Each and every day there is an entire galaxy of vastness that is never in need of being filled up.


Each and every day the world sings your song.


Each and every day there is just you, with nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to think, nothing to be. You are as busy, as bored, as happy, angry or sad as you say you are.


What do you think? Is that enough? Are you enough?”


I’ll admit I read that many times before I felt the truth and strength of those ‘channeled’ words.


So be it.

Today’s affirmation: I follow my impulses.


I am grateful for the nothing that is everything, for the illusions I create, for the healing power of gratitude and forgiveness, for allowing myself to let others be who they are without judgement or expectation, for a world of innocence, curiosity and wonder, for my book agent, editor and publisher, for being open all ways, for the love of friends and family, clients, co-workers, neighbors and strangers.


Thanks and peace to all!


Joe

Tags: , ,
Posted in Get Real with Joe Monkman | No Comments »

Where Does Pleasure Lie?

January 18th, 2010

Pleasure is very seductive. I have found myself caught completely off guard by it, sometimes quite happily, other times not so much. I have been lost in it, loving it, not wanting it to end but knowing it would.


It happened again recently, and afterward I tried to deny the joy that stirred inside of me. It was very painful.


I was grateful to come across the following quote by Byron Katie in her book A Thousand Names for Joy:


“Usually pleasure is a subtle form of discomfort, because even as you’re enjoying sex or food, for example, you cling to your enjoyment; you want it to last, you want more of it, or you’re afraid of losing it even as it’s happening. The difference between pleasure and joy? Ohhh…the difference is from here to the moon – from here to another galaxy! Pleasure is an attempt to fill yourself. Joy is what you are.


In meditation I discovered a similar theme:


“Have you ever noticed that when you say no to something that will truly bring you pleasure you do not always feel so good?


Pleasure is the pathway to you. Can you allow that to manifest?


In every moment there lies an opportunity to feel the pleasure of what is. Take away the doubt and fear. Let your most intuitive self guide you to where the pleasure all ways lies waiting – inside of you.”


And so it is.


Today I am grateful for an abundance of pleasure, pre-dawn stillness, morning meditation, action calls, understanding the Law of Attraction, dreaming big dreams, the gym, Yogi Tea, the delete key on my laptop, the ability to press send, prosperous business opportunities, my book agent, editor and publisher.


Thanks and peace to all!


Joe

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

What Will the Next Step Be? Lessons From the Inca Trail

January 10th, 2010


Day 11 of the new year.   Now what?


I’m continuing my decluttering project. The space around me is changing. I’m taking steps to move many things that get in my way – thoughts, papers, etc.


A couple of weeks ago while I was at the gym sweating my butt off on the elliptical machine and thinking about the effort I was putting into it, my mind grabbed a memory from 1999 when I walked the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu in Peru for the first time.


I had been hiking for a couple of days and had reached a part of the trail that has many steps leading up, up, up. The altitude (9,000 to over 13,500 feet) on the Inca Trail makes trekking a challenge for even the most experienced of hikers. At one point I stopped to catch my breath on a flat stretch and looked ahead. When I did I was immediately overwhelmed by what I saw: more steps. Fatigue set in. I drank some water. I looked at the steps again and a voice said, “Just focus on one step at a time. Do not look ahead.” I took a step up and did as suggested. My breathing and thoughts relaxed, and my strength returned.


Last week I related that story to my mentor. She asked me to stop when I told her about the instructions I was given. “Repeat that,” she said. The words changed as I spoke them and echoed in my head: “There is nothing more important than the step you are taking NOW.”


At Rosa’s suggestion I wrote that down and am holding the words close to my heart, one day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time.


Today I am grateful for the many lessons learned in the Andes Mountains of Peru from 1998-2004, to Mallku and Lorna, to Rosa for teaching me about never-ending love, my strong legs and breath, money that appears in the most ‘unusual’ places, teachings in dreamtime, At One, Woom, Con Ed, mental health days, the food on my table and in the ‘fridge, hands that are open to receive, and my book agent, editor and publisher.


Amen! Thanks and peace to all!


Joe

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Get Real with Joe Monkman | No Comments »

Are You Doing It?

January 8th, 2010


What are you doing now? Are you taking action toward your new years goals? Are you committed to getting past the 6-week mark that the majority of new year resolution makers fail to get beyond in order to see your dreams manifest?


The other morning before I left home for the day I spent some time working on my goal of decluttering my home office. It’s part of my overall Success Plan. My habit of piling papers is getting old (again) and I’m determined to stick to my new system. After setting a timer for 30 minutes to concentrate soley on ridding my space of the build-up, I picked up one paper at a time and did not pause until I found it a home – in the recycle bin, in a file, or elsewhere – anywhere but into another pile. At the end of the allotted time I had made great progress.


An hour later I was sitting on the downtown #3 train thinking about what I’d accomplished. I looked up and saw an advertisement for the School of Visual Arts. In bold letters was one word: do


How are you sticking to your goals? What’s your plan?


Below are four easy ways to stay motivated and on track:


1) Create a Vision Board that depicts your realized dreams in image form and post it in a prominent place in your home or office.

2) Begin or resume a daily practice of listening and sitting quietly for at least five minutes each day as you follow the flow of your breath and your thoughts. (Some people call this meditation.)

3) Call upon your support team, which could include friends, family, co-workers, a therapist, or spiritual guide when you feel out-of-sorts, confused, sad, happy, have had a breakthrough, would like company, are in need of a hug, want to share a dream, etc.

4) Acknowledge and celebrate all of your achievements.


Here’s a bit of inspiration from Tracy Chapman:


“If not now what then
We all must live our lives
Always feeling
Always thinking
The moment has arrived”


Today I am grateful to Barrett Benton for cleaning up my laptop and restoring my internet connection (call him for excellent tech service if you are in NYC), Holly for the laughs, company and food, my warm apartment, new beginnings, long walks on the beach that is within walking distance from my bungalow, Fairway Market, the MTA, all of the new places where I will be teaching this year, God, my book agent, editor and publisher.


Thanks and peace to all!


Joe

Posted in Get Real with Joe Monkman | No Comments »

5 Clues to Why You Are Settling When it Comes to Love

January 6th, 2010

I recently spoke with a guy who claims that finding love is too hard, and with a *sigh*, he said, “I’ll have to resort to escorts.” Now, he was joking about the escort, but still….that is an example of what some gay men are experiencing when it comes to falling in love – and I think sometimes it takes extreme change and awareness to finally get to the point where settling isn’t a choice anymore.

Personally, I believe you know. You know what your options are. I really think you believe in the fairytale ending too, but somewhere along the trip you’ve squashed the dream way down underneath all your pain. Sometimes you even get a glimpse of what it might look like being with a wonderful man, expressing your love, in a committed monogamous relationship, right?

Why do we settle? Well, my idea is, you settle, because you view yourself as not being good enough. Your self-esteem is low and you’ll do whatever it takes to seek the love that you desire. Now, think about this. What if I said that your self-esteem is actually very strong and all you need to do is look within and tap into that resource? I know, I’m starting to sound all woo-woo, but my point is, finding love with another person starts when you find love with in yourself.

“Would you do whatever it took to seek the love within yourself – that love which you desire from another?” – GH

Another theory I have, is when you settle, you’re working so hard at seeking acceptance from another person, that you will do almost anything to attain it, like compromise your values and requirements that are essential for a healthy relationship, but in reality, you’re really trying to accept yourself – for who you are -you just don’t know it yet.

Take a moment, clear some space in your day, sit down and start getting curious about where you might be settling in your life? Does your job’s salary not match your talents and dedication? Does your boyfriend play around with other men; you’re accepting of it, when deep down inside, it’s not ok. Are you putting off starting your own business, because you think it’s just a pipe dream and you’ll never do it for whatever reason?

5 Clues To Why You Are Settling

Now it’s time to take a stance, and tell yourself that you are done settling; all done. I believe in you. Well, let me give you 5 Clues to Why You’re Settling. They will help you recognize when it’s happening, so you can say, I’m Done!

1. You’ve claimed the, “I’m always meeting the wrong guy”, Ticket. Actually, you meet so many “wrong guys” that, from here on out you will continue to do so until you start recognizing what is so off about the men you meet. Importantly, what’s going on in yourself to attract men, who are not up to your standards?

After all, we attract who we are.

2.You’ve designed the perfect man (in your head) and when you go out and try to find him, you blame the world that there aren’t any good men left. Guys, let’s face it. We’re guys and for the most part, when we envision the man we want to spend our days with, we can go little above and beyond what’s truly realistic.

Take a deep and close look at the man of your dreams and check in to see if it’s based on reality or a yearning or an feeling of emptiness.

3.You’re not over your last relationship. So, you’re with someone new and you thought you’ve found Mr. Right again, but after some time, you start comparing it to your last relationship, because you believed he was your one true love. Your current partner is sensing that and is starting to pull away from you, because he sees you are not in it 100%. Just know you can fall in love many times over. Each time is true and first. Stop settling by believing that you will never find true love again…you will.

4. I’m moody and that’s just the way I am. Well, how many guys have been put off by your mood swings? Remember, you are not your moods and you might want to do some self-reflecting to begin to understand why it is you’re so hostile. Stop settling, by not living your life in anger and pain and start releasing whatever emotional turmoil you are going through. You and everyone around you will love you for it.

5. You haven’t loved the wounded little boy enough. Do you cringe when you think about being around other gay guys? You walk you walk into a room filled with gay men, and you panic and become anxious. There is a reason for that, and it has nothing to do with the men in that room. It has to do with you. Once you start forming a bond with that hurt little boy inside you and start asking him what he needs, your confidence will soar.

That’s why single gay men come to me, because they are ready to commit to NOT settling anymore in any area of their lives, especially LOVE. Love is a gift, a gift we all hold, and once you can let go of the settling, you will then be able to unleash your love and be loved in return.

Greg Halpen, The Gay Guy’s Love Coach, is a recognized speaker, mentor and expert dating coach for single gay men. He takes a “heart-based” approach to teaching single gay men how to build unstoppable confidence, meet and approach men and importantly, build a strong connection with their one TRUE love…THEMSELVES.

Pass it on: Know someone who could benefit from this article or his FREE weekly Naked Truth About Dating Podcast, Newsletter and Special report? http://www.TheGayGuysLovecoach.com

Tags: , , ,
Posted in The Gay Guy’s Love Coach | No Comments »

How’s Your Integrity When it Comes to Good Love?

January 6th, 2010

I have a feeling that you’re one of the most loving and giving guys someone could ever meet. You have so much to offer a relationship, but on the other hand you’re having trouble grasping love; not just grasping it, but EMBRACING it.

Perhaps, being a single gay man comes with a lot of stress and anxiety. You might worry that you will never meet someone and that being alone is the most painful feeling ever.

My Spidey senses are telling me, that you want more when it comes to love. You’re just longing to fall in love, care for your man, express your deep affection, and build a terrific life together. However, your integrity around dating might be a little shaky.

So, what gives?

Speaking of Spidey senses, I want to share a little life experience with you and maybe you can relate or maybe you can’t, but if you open up your heart, you will notice the lesson in it.

Along with coaching single gay men (and now coupled), I also volunteer working with little kids a few times a week and I keenly notice how they problem solve. It’s actually very fascinating.

Without too many mind-filters, they stay with the challenge until the challenge is solved and usually with joy and determination. If they’re REALLY struggling with a conflict, they seem to move on from it with lightening speed and then forget it ever happened. Point is, they don’t judge it and they never give up.

They are geniuses, mini-brilliant problem solvers and perhaps, somewhere along the line, you’ve lost touch with that part of yourself – your little inner genius and simply gave up trying to attain that amazing love life. You see, your dating integrity is what’s going to help you stick by your values and requirements. It’s the very thread that supports how confident and grounded you are.

When the Connection Has a Glitch!


One client, who has been partnered for five years, decided to go the route of “open” relationship – his justification? Sex drive lessens the longer you stay together and they want that consistent sex. Not only that, they have a set of strict rules they follow when they each meet someone they’re having sex with. The rules are put in place, so it doesn’t go deeper than just sex.

This sounds complicated PLUS adding more opportunities for unnecessary conflict, when the couple at hand can solve the sex dilemma themselves. Make sense? Also, I wont really say it here, but they are suffering in love big time with some of their life style choices. The truth is, sexual energy with your partner will change, because the relationship changes and undergoes many stages of growth.  Actually, your sexual relationship with your partner can evolve if you know what to do.

He was actually relieved when we spoke about this, because deep down inside, he really didn’t want an open relationship and thought their was no other alternative. Today, with my help, they are exploring different ways to spice up their love life while keeping the integrity of their relationship strong.

Get The Love Ball Rolling.


Speaking of INTEGRITY, 2010 is fast approaching. What are you willing do differently in your life TODAY to change the outcomes of your dating and love efforts? I mean something HUGE, that never seems to gets past the thought process. Which means you think about it, but never put it into action.

Maybe you want to get out in the dating world more and go on fearless dates. That means being present and open to what ever possibilities might show up for you. Also, it might mean exploring different ways to meet men, like, getting involved with local gay organizations, volunteering or simply striking up a conversation with someone who catches your eye.

If You Take Small Bites You Wont Get as Full.


No matter how you slice it, Make 2010 the year you changed things in your life that needed change – like Dating Integrity. Some of my single clients are taking their “bull” by the horns and making some huge leaps in what they want to do differently for 2010. I mean, HUGE! One client is leaving his J-O-B to go into web design business for himself. He wants to step up his dating integrity by making one of his dreams come true by not working for someone else. ever again.

In a last session, a client discovered why he was settling in love and decided that he wasn’t going to hide anymore behind his limiting beliefs about being gay, and is putting himself out there in ways, that would usually paralyze him. It all had to do with a decision he forgot he made when he was a kid. A decision that stemmed from a tragic moment in his young life.

He’s doing INCREDIBLE things now!

Need help clarifying what it is YOU want to attract next year? Your love life, for starters, might need some major attention and the only way you’ll make huge leaps is to pay attention to the areas of your life that aren’t working anymore. For more information about the course that is changing the lives of many a single gay guy, go here Bootcamps. Next Bootcamp Starts January 23rd and just for signing up I will give you a complimentary Dating Integrity Session.

Remember, dating integrity starts with YOU!

Greg Halpen, The Gay Guy’s Love Coach, is a recognized speaker, mentor and expert dating coach for single gay men. He takes a “heart-based” approach to teaching single gay men how to build unstoppable confidence, meet and approach men and importantly, build a strong connection with their one TRUE love…THEMSELVES.

Pass it on: Know someone who could benefit from this article or his FREE weekly Naked Truth About Dating Podcast, Newsletter and Special report? http://www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com



Tags: , , ,
Posted in The Gay Guy’s Love Coach | No Comments »

Are You Following Through With Your Promises?

January 6th, 2010

Guys, I’m sure by now you’ve reached the end of your limit with all of the pressure to follow through with making 2010 a better year for your life. Making your life less about pain and suffering and more about contributing and living in joy, especially when it comes to love.

The problem is, the higher the expectation, the more pressure there is to perform and following through with making 2010 your best year in love. And when you don’t follow through there’s some self-butt kicking, right?

Does that sound like you?

That is the biggest reason why you don’t follow through with the promises you make for the coming year. Hey, maybe you focus so much on the fact that you’ve tried your darnedest to find Mr. Wonderful and settle down. You’ve put yourself on the line so many times (more times than you care to count) only to get let down once again- that you’ve become, perhaps…a little jaded?

It’s ok. You can admit it. Really, it’s ok.

I used to be as jaded as they come. Oh, sure, my exterior showed a happy-go-lucky kid, but what lurked deep down inside would make you crawl under a rock and never come out. Gratefully today, I am that happy-go-lucky kid I was meant to be. The kid who was always there waiting to shine.

Well, guys, you know you can have more for yourself when it comes to falling in love? You can have your cake and eat it too when it comes to building a life with the guy of your dreams? AND I know you can’t help making those new year resolutions, because it’s a way to keep you accountable for bettering your life. Hey, it’s ok – nothing wrong with that!

What will make it easier for you to fulfill your promises?


Ok, to help you out in a big way, a loving way, I am going to share with you Three HUGE Secrets with Tips that will help you let go of expectations and REALLY make 2010 your absolute best year ever in life and LOVE.

You’ll certainly want to apply these strategies in your life right away, because I even give you examples of how to implement them, and taking such action will start to melt away the pressure to be perfect.

1. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Start with ONE significant change that you would like to see happen in your love life and map it out in small portions.

Tip: Maybe you want to acquire a more positive attitude around dating. So, a small step might look like taking a good look at how you view dating and relationships and write about it OR that might mean taking my Single Gay Guy’s Dating Integrity Bootcamp where you’ll get personal attention and support with changing your attitude towards love and relationships.

Maybe you want to take a different approach to how you are meeting men. Get better at starting and engaging in conversations with men. If your excuse is, “your too shy”, you are doing yourself a disservice by not taking the action necessary to help you bust out of your cocoon by showing the world who you are.

Bonus Tip: If you are using online dating sites, it might be time to change sites, update your picture and make sure that you are conveying the real YOU in your written profile. There are many great sites out there with great integrity and a clean clear message that there is more tothis dating thing. If you are serious about getting steady in love GetSteady.com is the place to do it..

2. Promise every day, not just at the end of every year. Make each day about doing the best you can to contribute greatness to your life. Doing one simple action each day brings you closer to your dreams and goals as a single gay man who is READY for love.

Tip: This might look like writing in a journal each night before you go to bed. Write down all the things you are grateful for that day. Or it might look like making changes to your financials by clearing away debt and getting support to help you do that. There is nothing more relationship attractive than being financially sound. Can’t you feel the anxiety melt away?

Bonus tip: Choose a charity organization that resonates with you and volunteer your time in any capacity. Go into it with out expectations or hoping for anything in return. By opening up your heart you will really get the the greatness factor rolling in youryour life. If you can’t find a charity, maybe there is friend or someone you know of who could use a little support. Example: There is a friend of mine with three beautiful children. She’s also going to school full time. It’s not easy for a single mother to try and balance everything. Sometimes they need a break or a reprieve from their day to day. So, I offer myself as a babysitter anytime she needs me and that works with my schedule. This makes a HUGE difference in her life.

3. Ease up on the punches. We all beat up on ourselves once in a while. BUT, haven’t you knocked yourself around just a little too much? Are you emotionally blaming yourself for all the mistakes you’ve made in love? SO, put the gloves away and start softening the blows by introducing the idea that they weren’t mistakes, but valuable lessons.

Tip: Maybe there is a past relationship that still needs healing. If it’s in your power, and most times it is, take steps to make amends. First,  start by forgiving yourself. You did the best you could with the tools you had. Then, write him a letter. It doesn’t mean that you have to mail the letter- this will start the process of opening up and letting go.

Go ahead and make 2010 the year you met your match and fell in love. Also, make it the year when you ease up on the pressure to be a perfect single.


Greg Halpen, The Gay Guy’s Love Coach, is a recognized speaker, mentor and expert dating coach for single gay men. He takes a “heart-based” approach to teaching single gay men how to build unstoppable confidence, meet and approach men and importantly, build a strong connection with their one TRUE love…THEMSELVES.

Pass it on: Know someone who could benefit from this article or his FREE weekly Naked Truth About Dating Podcast, Newsletter and Special report? http://www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com




Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in The Gay Guy’s Love Coach | No Comments »

« Older Entries